...

smoke curls softly up after the smell of sulphur fills the air, a man stands in the shadows just outside the moonligts beams... the night is heavy upon the world and the black is like that of a way a coal mine..not a sinlge star flickers upon this eve to provide a glimpse of hope for humanity..the man still stands taking long slow drags off of his cigarette...the water laps gently against the docks and a boat bobs gently up and down as the current sways...clouds are gathering upon the horizon dark and ominous a breeze begins to blow, the clouds move quickly into the water front a driving wind begins to howl like the banshees wail calling a man to his doom...

I feel....

I feel as though im letting her slip away from me...idk maybe it has to do with the cycle of the moon causing sorrow and what not...but i feel a shadow growing over me and i dislike it very much so...maybe im just being a blind fool im uncertain at the moment i just dont really know...confusion perplexion and severe amount of sorrow is present within me...i hope that it is just the moon cycle and i have not done anything to drive her away or something....the moons cycles have great effect on my moods so i figure i hope thats just it...a dear comrade is helping me figure out whats going on within my head but how can someone help if i dont know whats going on...i think i need to go have a cigarrete and a nice tall glass a whiskey and just keep pooring it out until i pass out...that might be the plan....
"No can do that, no can do this, what the hell can you do my friend in this place that you call your town"

The night...

tonight will be beautiful i sense i may not sleep for a long while just to soak it all in....i think it will be a very large moon indeed and just all around it will be a beautiful evening....
"You gotta keep holding on to what you got, but it sure aint alot"

Fascination....

had a bonfire at the beach the other night it was quite lovely indeed...got to spend time with the very lovely lady whom intrigues me very much so very much so indeed...it was a small number of people who showed up but that was quite alright...
so yes now I am off doing the homework and all that joyful business that is associated with schooling...
"The shame that sent me off from the god that i once loved, was the same that sent me into your arms"

This eve...

a bottle of whiskey and a half a pack of smokes and a smitten mindset...im prepared for whats to come...

China Dolls...

Today was a normal friday to say the least not to much to report on the front...tommorow i have rugby match and afterwards i get to go to a bonfire and spend some time with a very lovely lady most exciting indeed im quite excited...and tonight is a brooding night at the bucks its been awhile since ive had a brooding session so im looking forward to it as well....


"Vincent Van Gogh, Why do you weep?
You were on your way to heaven, but the road was steep
And who was there to break your fall?
We're guilty, One and All"

Do I.....

Do I wander aimlessly or is there a purpose to this wandering that I am unaware of is fate guiding me along a path unbeknowst to me... but does that mean fate is god?? im not to sure this is odd indeed we shall see...i feel like there is a form of fate but then i have to reconize a form of god a personal god....im unsure but thats my general state of being...
"Reach for the sky aint ever gonna die"

a dream...

so i had a dream a very odd one indeed a demon came and spoke to me he looked just like a voporous outline like a man enclosed in a fog. his name was the unholy guardian but oddly enough the whole dream was in latin or something like old roots latin which I have a very limited knowledge of which i could speak fluently in te dream...odd indeed..but the whole dream was me discoursing with this demon on why i didnt believe in god but his issue was why i didnt believe in the devil and all this wierdness was discussed about suffering why the angels left god in the multitudes just a strange dream to say the least one of the most odd ive ever had.....

As I stumble...

As I stumle, and sojourn through my mind
the memories of the past are relived and redwelled
often of sorrow but lately of joy and a large amount of uncertainity is also present,
I have reached a fork in this path along an untrodden trail,
shall i be bold and descive or stagger and stall with regards of this path moments are waning time precious time is ticking away...

"Im not going to play there aint no way ill win"

The sorrow of living...

we live to die... an irrefutable fact..every moment we step closer to our final hours upon this earth and waht awaits us after we close our eyes and we breath the last breath...i for one do not know and i doubt that anyone knows for certain so this is just a thought a ramble a jaunt...i suppose i must live for today and not dwell on the events to come....
"Holden Caulfield is a friend of mine, we go drinking from time to time"

A wandering...

A wandering mind is a dangerous place to trek...

The disillussioned youth...

The youth are disillusion we the youth are wanting for something to stand for, our society is telling us to divide but what if we want to unify but i think we live in a selfish society of how we feel how do i deal with this...i always try to approach it as how does this make this person feel especially in regards to relationships, our relationships among the youth are jokes its all about sex especailly on the male part, guys giving high fives to nailing a girl, why cant people make love now adays its just a "fuck" irks me...but i shant be a hyprocrit i am just as guilty as anyone but i reckon its good that i have stopped to contemplate this. I have also reconciled my past ways largely in the fact that i will no longer just appreciate a women for looks but for her whole being, which brings in regards of er spirit and personality, how could expect a free spirit to stay with me??? i think this is the root of my irratableness right now but im not to sure, it is alot to ask of a free spirit to remain with me i just dont know, but the matter of if she gives over willingly but i dont think i could ask for such a thing....
"These bars are filled with things that kill"

Strike me down....this kind of turned into poem sort of

This trail of woe which we wonder upon,
the barren path worn down to dust,
drenched in moonshine,
we stumble, we crawl, we cry, and this world is telling us that were having a ball
but through my daze this twilight fades,
why must i rely on these chemicals and lies to provide a false sense of happiness
through a stupor and dazed eye i see the world,
but i lift the veil and realize that this world is an embodiment of hell
maybe thats why i clench this bottle till its dry...



"I feel like all my bridges have been burnt, you say that exactly how this grace thing works"

Ive come to conclude....

that i would be one of those people that would be in greek mythology who attempts to fight the gods knowing he would lose but still attempting to do it no matter if leads to certain death. for we as mortals have one thing which even the gods or god do not posses we can be glorious we can be dramatic we can die, all amazing things are trumped by the gods immortality but to die gloriously we rob the gods of there glory....

"And I don't know much, but I do know this
With a golden heart, comes a rebel fist
But I can't help agreeing with those that would not quit."

Now maybe just maybe....

Do you think that certain people are only happy when things are going wrong or something along those lines...maybe im only happy when im sad i am not to sure sadness seems like a much more real emotion than happiness in a way...happiness is so hard to acheive and who is truly happy in this world happiness almost becomes apart of the will rather than the intelect in which emotions are supposed to lie but maybe what ive been taught is wrong!!! what that cant be this is madness...i find anger if there is a socalled god why would he make such a fucked up world i mean honestly its repulsive why would god allow his creation which god loves to suffer to die to feel pain to kill to starve to fight and kill others in gods name it angers me this christ god is not all loving or all caring sounds like a fascade to me!!!!! anger wells up in my heart...
"In my hour of darkness,I keep council with the dead, just enough to remind me im alive"

The weekend past

THis weekend past was wonderful indeed it was we took fourth place in a tourney out of 32 teams, i also receievd a concusion and i think two cracked ribs and maybe a broken nose or atleast trauma to the bone and cartilage, all and al it was good. But most importantly i spent the evening upon saturday with a very lovely lady, she downright fascinates me its rather odd im not to sure what to do at the moment i suppose i can just wait it out and see what happens i reckon its one of the few times ive been indesive in regards to a women but i just uncertain of what to do in regards to what she wants and what i want as well but i will see what plays out.....

"Was it love or fear of the cold that lead us through the night every kiss trumped my doubt"

I am not a patriot...(First Draft)

I am not a patriot,
I fight not what for the history books all say we do
I do not care for pomps and circumstances,
the politicians that send young men to die,
but yet never they themselves set foot into the trenches
them and their loved ones just sit and dine,
and gorge upon wine,
while my loved ones fight and die to preserve what the men in power think we stand for
they tell me what I want and what I need as if they truly try to please
never have they scene the torment and the woe, the lost youth laying turning the ground into a crimson river with young blood,and wasted breath,that is lost to time
before you tell me what I stand for and why I should fight,
come to the trenches and level a weapon with its sights and claim a life
for you know not why I fight nor shall you ever,
for I am not a patriot

Winter Ends

Little Lion Man

Another day another vendetta i hope not...

Today was average tommorow should be wonderful i have a full day of rugby and i get to spend the eve with a lovely lady what more could a man ask for nothing comes to mind at the moment. So schooling was a terrible place to be today just the monatany bad grades just generalized death all around...(figuratively of course) Lauren has finally been healed of her sickness which is good indeed. Plato or Aristotle believed that music has a direct influence on the soul or personality i reckon and that it should be monitored i stand against censorship but i do believe he had a poignant theory with that for i listen to melancholic music so i think it may make me more melancholic or is it im just melancholic in general and can relate to it more than a sanguin person im not certain research must be done i suppose but i dont feel like busting out the republic at the moment...

Another though is that of the soul what if (since im diest) the unmoved infused with some kind of mortal soul or some kind of higher congnitive reasoning why is it that i can think of things animals cant i dont know rather a odd thought that i must ponder...You know your a deist when athiest thing your naive and christain think your a athiest ha


"And my head told my heart to let love grow, my heart told my head this time no, this time no"

a theory nothing more...

1) If god is all good he would destroy evil
2) If god is all powerful he could destroy evil
3) Since god is loving he wants to destroy evil
4) Evil still exists

yet we still have evil so this proves either there is no all loving god or no god at all,or a god that is not all powerful, or that god doesnt give rip about us....


"But its not your fault this time, its mine, and its your heart on the line, i really fucked it up this time, havent i my dear"

Celestial Cemetary

O the great expanse up in that sky
where we of man under sleep lie
the you cast down from your realms
into this darkened hell
the speckled spots upon the clouds
like stitch work upon a cloth that entombs our earth
oh specactled light that shineth down
hath this light still around
or are you dead upon the sky but yet your light still reaching
tries to penetrate or land for one last frail attempt for you to tend

The clock face

The clock strikes twelve
a new day has begun
time does not feel
it cannot love
but yet we fear of days to come
we try our best to control whats next
but yet we live our lives in regret
time moves on steady never faultering
time it cannot be altered

The funeral toll...

For whom does the bell toll
as I walk down the road, the alleys lack laughter, the streets lack joy
a cloud comes forth hiding the light
for whom do they light the lanterns aglow
and why do they walk so somber and slow
and why do they weep with tears that lack joy
again I ask for whom does the bell toll
For you says says a man,dressed all in black
and its time that we go

You call....

You call me unstable like your all so sane....

The River Styx...

I sit now upon the banks of the River styxs

where i wait for that boat of oak to shuttle across,

we see the men come but yet i see none go adding to the purpose of this place

of unspent regret and woe, for honest men fear the passing of the river tide and try there best to sit and bide there mortal mind.

Untitled(First Draft)

These chains that bind me with with the dance of time, that sieze my body for the debts i owe
These chains that that i struggle to break and to wane,
but the fight is a fruitless toil for there can be no victory against the chains of time
thats clink and clackle upon my body dragging it
down into the depths below.

So I sleep in the arms of Fate(First draft)

Alas the lovely lady of fate caress my wounded head,
I dance a waltz with Lady Fate as my partner, I try lead the dance
the rhythyms and tones direct her which way to go, but to my despair she takes the lead
and binds me with these chains, that grow tighter and tighter the more i strain.
I often wonder to which I should do fight the path or give into her sweet embrace
For lady fate is lover which one can grow to hate, but would things be resolved if tried not to break away from her slender embrace that she wraps around me and carresses my face with her soft hands and silver grace, but what of it when she breaks this bond, cuts the strings of my life, like the breaking of a single shining web glistening in the spring sun. I know I shant be the first no the last to be forsaken by this lover.

Just another day

well my dearest mother does not wish me to take this lovely lady to my rugby banquet quite the irksome matter but i shall address this on a latter day more like tommorow hope papa can talk some sense into her ha! but i will take this woman and thats the end of the matter....
"Swing low carrion crow, take my body for it lives no more"

This women

Will not vacate my feeble mind i try and try but alas to no avail i think i have fallen hard and fast (fret not this isnt love) just idk ha!! but its on my mind and i dont want to be over anxious but i sont want to blow her off so yeah.....
"Ill take my pardon on the run"

Ive just seen a face...

well this weekend was quite nice indeed my parents were out of the town but i kept all behaved...but the point of this post is to state the fact that i met this lovely girl and im quite interested in her not in a fly by night two weeks sirt of deal like the others i actually care she fits for some reason or another cant really place it to well...but yeah but i hope all works out for the best anyways....I wont let this one end up on my list of regrets...
"desperate time call for desperate men, im just a kid but ill pretend"

The past is behind us...

i apologize for the long absense since know i have numerous readers who come and dwell upon this blog....ive decided i dislike that word anyways...my life seems more and more tedious and the monatany of it all is just burdonesome...i find myself wandering the open plains of my mind more and more i feel like i crave love but at the same despise it with a vast amount of my being indeed that seems to be the case..which can at times be humorous indeed...well till next time...
"I will destroy everything of beauty"