with this sack upon my back

I got no home
I got no girl to call my own
all i own is in this sack i carry on my back
im a drifter i dont know where im bound
or where im from for that fact
I try to leave you in the dusty tracks of my feet
but you persistently cling to my mind
your a serpent around my neck
you sink your fangs deep into my heart
seeping venom through my veins
its sad to say i used to love you
when you dont even seem to care
i was just a toy for your amusement
but now im bound for now where land
with this sack upon my back

Cleansing Sin

I dont ask for your blood to cleanse me of these sins
Life is far to short to live
once we love its always lost
so maybe we should just toss caution and logic
to the wind and chain them to the sea floor and
fall into each others arms once again?
just for this eve and maybe forever more?

take my hand...

The moon it is a vessel to a new and enchanting land,
the sails are struck, the moon it drifts with the breeze
the sails they flick and ebb
take my hand my love and we shall leave with the tide
for a place we cannot know
for this is no place for us to bide
take my hand my love for we leave with the tide...

Christain charity....

The audicity of some of these people is ridiculous they all protest socialism like its from satan himself but then they go and protest the oppression of people in india and what not..do they not know that capitalism is the root of these problems big business is what causes this suffering on these peoples but yet they stand against it...they know nothing of this world and how it works...

The tribulation...

The tribulations that you bestow upon me
I do not ask for them
but you seem to give them freely
the fact that you occupy my mind
and trap me with these chains that bind
I want to give my all to you
does that provoke fear in your heart
for i shant be here always
i did not ask for this
i want to be your lover
but your coy and jaded with your repose
i cant decipher what you want from me
i could be bold and just lay it all about on the ground
but i fear it may just drive you off
my heart begans to think it was just fear of the cold that lead you and i through that raptuous winter night
but id like to believe it was more
but you do not recipercate this or maybe i am blind to your actions
i do not know, i do not know
and this angers me so
i want to make you mine, but you seem not to want that or maybe your just taking things slow...but for i think that does not apply for you know what gone on...
so please your coyness is causing me pain and making me slightly refrain from your embrace...just tell me what you think and what you want from me...

Wow.....

thats so fucking irksome and quite mean! oh well ill vent elsewhere!!!

....

dreams of friends who have passed are plaguing my dreams lately its been nearly two years since that month of october which claimed two close friends of mine both voliently both too young too soon, i often wonder if i had shown up sooner i could have prevented that incident, i wish i could go back for i would be there this time to stop it...but why do you come to my dreams I will never forget you both for the sorrow which I hold in my heart still bleeds out to this day, so young so bold was your pride worth your life?? i was going to be asked to do the same thing as you next but that trial never came...if it had im sure i would have stood fast and held my ground for taking a fall is not a thing which we back then did...so my pride is intact and so is yours except now you dwell in the soft soil...which is better that you died with honor or to live in dishonor my dearest friend i miss you and think about you daily and nightly and there is always a toast to the both of you when I drink...your forever engraved into my memories whether that is for ill or not i do not know....
"Die on your feet or live on your knees...Rest in Peace Sergay...Rest in Peace Sully

Mia Copa meus amor

es injuria meus pectus pectoris , patientia ut Ego postulo , est non velox satis pro suus , Ego postulo magis vicis statuo ut expiscor qua meus pectus pectoris lies , Ego teneo Ego cannot scisco suus ut exspecto tamen Volo pro suus ut. tamen quis an insult si ego operor non sumo suus. is videor sic perficio sic tutus , sic gauisus sic tutus quod is plurimus certainly est decorus , suus decor est per attonitus in totus animadverto. tamen quis efficio quis non efficio Ego non plumbum suus in vel lascivio per suus pectus pectoris EGO reputo EGO may exsisto effectus ut iam tamen suus non intentional meus diligo suus non secus ferreus comprehendo

I want...

I want to wish you away, I want to wish you away, I want to kiss you away!!!

What now....

Well most curious things are unfolding to say the least my slow approach to relationships can be a hinderance at times for some people but it may also be due to my indescion and the deciphering of how I feel...I dont want to get physicall with this very nice women for fear of being cruel if its not meant to be...idk i may just have to fold this hand even though i have two aces...

What I struggle with...

So the thoughts that I struggle with lately is the fact that I will most likely have a career in the military as an officer, more than likely ill be an infantry officer.But this is what plagues me... Its not the thought of dying I fear so much I mean its there but its not over bearing...the thing that consumes me is that if I make a mistake it could cost another persons live in which i would be responsible for that...As my father states when lieutents and captains make mistakes young men die...I dont want to make a mistake that would lead to anothers death..so i need to figure out how to deal with this fear and over come it....

Oddity...

Some days this woman seems to be very interested and other days its like eh not really oh well what can i do about it nothing at all... the dilema circulating around these two women is perplexing and burdensome i want to do the right thing and not hurt any one of them at all...angst is building

Does She Know...

Does she know
when she grasps my hand that these hands have run red with blood that was not my own
how these hands have shattered bones and
caused haggard moans of pain
these hands are hardened and callused
for the purpose of not to build
but solely to destroy
these hands have delivered blows upon other mortals with out end
sending some to live a life maimed
these hands have clutched a knife until my knuckles white
these hand have claimed a life for vengeance in all its might
does she know when she holds these hands what these hands have done

does she know that the face she strokes
has seen been battered and bruised and at times ran crimson
by other men blows all for sport and show
does she know that the lips she kisses softly
have tasted blood thats not there own all for sport and show
does she know that these eyes she gazes into have seen what most should not
and have done what most should not
does she know whos hand she holds....

My Heart

My heart is telling me to go one way but head is telling me to go another the safer path, but its such a tumultous journey doubt lurks in every shadow what shall i do....what shall i do...

Do I follow my heart or my head....

My mind is in disarray...

my heart strings pull upon my mind weighing it down like leaded wieghts on a line...but the lines are a plural now meaning so much more cinfusion so much more dilema if only I could flip to the end of this short chapter and see how it ends and then evaulate where I stand from how it ends...but alas we only read the chapter after its been written...i hope i can write this chapter out most excellently but alas only time will tell how this will end....
"Roll away your stone and ill roll away mine"

As I talk to God....

As I stand here talking to god on high
I wait for his reply
I tell him of the sorrows of the world
and the starving in the streets
the shaking earth that causes death
the wars fought in his name
I wonder why, and how does he spend his time
On a slefish note I ask him why
my love always seems to die
but the triffling matters of my affairs to the of man kinds despair
I sit,
i stand,
i kneel
I pray
But all I hear is the silence and the whispering of the wind
that brings storms to the front......

Vagueness in a vague world...

The vagueness of a vague world is rather intriguing, we all strive towards a fine line of uniquness and acceptance never fully embracing the other just rather trying to be different enough to stand out while conformed enough as to not raise the eyebrows of our peers....

"The crowd on the street walks slowly, don't mind the rain
Lovers hold hands to numb the pain,
Gripping tightly to something that they will never own"

Sorrow

is a state of being which I rarely come out of except for the occassional jump to a high of joy but coming down is so terrible indeed...

Hmmmm....

The oddity of what goes on in my mind its very strange
anger rage sorrow joy smitteness its a complex vortex of confusion that just spins
one day ill try to clear my mind maybe soon maybe not who knows...maybe my instability makes me who i am...
"I dont read the bible, I dont trust disciples"

Apply A Smile

I apply a smile to hide what goes on inside
but tonight when I stand alone in the darkness of my mind
unattended by friends that care,
I cannot help but to despair
for the warmth of your fingertips are long gone
and the taste of your lips are just a lingering memory
so i dwell in a chemical daze trying to make those memories real
but as hard as one can try they wont be real
my mind it just decieves
so i can apply a smile and a some tone
but deep inside its not what is true....

The rose bushel

I must harden my heart
burn down the rose bushel of love
vanquish her from my mind
for I am a slave to her even within my thoughts
alas no more these hands will break the rose vines down and cast them into a dark abyss
I will free my heart from her chains that bind me down
For is it better to love and not have it reciprocated or to love blindly
I shall stand fast within my bitterness and destroy this love
for nothing good shall come of it
just pain just sorrow
for i shall burn down this bushel of love

Is...

Is insanity and instablity a growing condition within my mind...
"The cigarette i couldnt smoke"

This Cell..

This cell that I call my mind...
Its bars are thick and the walls are high
The darkness is vast and unchanging
I sit and cry for a glimspe of the light on high
but darkness is the only thing which i bide
as time goes along its path
sorrow grows forth from shadows
like a black harvest of the plague
thoughts of you are like the carion crow that picks at the remains of those who passed long ago
thoughts if cause sorrow to swell up within my soul which i try to pass away but to no avail you stand within my mind taunting teasing and decieving
why do i care why do i try when it is to no avial
i just dwell in this cell...

Our Prayers...

I walk this valley of death and
fear the arrow that flies by day
and the pestilence that stalks the night
And I fear the plague that destroys at midday
Thousands fall at my side and tens of thousand at my right
all believing that god was on there side..
I have fallen dashed my body against the crimson stones
I look up broken and maimed and ask on high my god my god why you have you forsaken me..
as we all lay broken and maimed a few continue to pray...
but these prayers they go unheard, unanswered....

Oh my....

Confusion enters my mind in vast amounts....the one girl who i like quite a bit but doesnt want a relationship or im not to sure what she wants but she fascinates me...another girl whom i know wants a relationship and i know likes but i havent acted on this physically...its just a matter of what do i do now for the dilema is present i am surely smitten for the one girl but maybe i should reevaluate my emotions and redirect them to where my feelings will be reciprocated...im not to sure what to do...i figure ill just play it out as it comes who knows oh well oh well......

"A sunday smile we wore it for awhile"

Where do I stand...

Where do I stand, where do I stand
The earth it spins around
but i do not move I stand still as the revolutions of time whirl on by,
The days spin by the sorrow soars on high
I know not where I go, I know not where im from,
or of days yet to come...

The consant thought...

The constant thought of you dwells within my mind ever present if even it is just passively but it doesnt stay that way...i find myself thourout the day thinking if you wondering if you are thinking about me...the notes of a song the chirping of birds all these little things trigger you to come once again like a deluge into my mind, which i must say i do enjoy for it is like sipping on fine wine, when i think of days gone by but the bitter sweetness of it all is the sweet is that you dwell in my mind and the memories are lovely but the bitterness is how i long for you, your soft touch upon my face, the warmness of our bodies laying next to eachother in the chill of the night....