I hope not...

You...

You my sweetest love I feel you may destroy my heart, I can sense it in my being as we speak as we converse, will you lead me down the garden path and leave me for another?? This of which I am not certain, I sometimes feel like I put alot more effort into this relationship than you do?? Is it true maybe, maybe I should back off a bit, you say I have this look and your not sure if you like it, is it that you want me to not care about you?? To not fall for you?? So then we could just use each other for our body parts?? Is that it?? Your a storm, a up hill battle, and im not sure if I have the endurance for it my love, im not to sure at all? You know already that I adore you more than I can put into cheap words, I know the look you talk of and rare one for me to give one of which I have no control of, The meaning of this look is rather plain rather simple, it means that I care so much about you that I cant grasp it myself, it also means you hold my heart in a palm of your hand will you crush it or keep it?? thats what this look means in case you wondered. So if your looking to let me down just do it quickly, dont weather me out. For I am a loyal creature and I will stay by your side even if your dragging me through the garden path. So my love im not to sure where you stand with me?? I hope nothing has changed but somewhere inside I think it has, but you dont know how to tell me? Is that it?? im not to sure, im not to sure about anything...

...

my mind is not at ease to day the least, what is it, i do not know to be honest but it deals with this women whom dwells in my heart, there is a sense, a bad omen on the horizon, i hope my mind is decieving and this is just a mechanism of defence that springs forth from my troubled mind, im not to sure I guess only time will tell..

This and that and some more bricka brack...

Maybe one day ill get a im proud of you son,love mom and dad
thats not said in front of people to impress them and pretend were some happy family
or maybe ill get i think your just fine the way you are, instead of you need to complete task A. then B. and please dont forget your not good enough for us for rask C.
Maybe one day ill sastisfy whatever it is to please you, but i sincerely doubt that is possible, nothing is good enough for you, you see me as you wish me to be, but do you know what lays inside of me, i really wish i could show what makes me, well me but you couldnt understand or appreciate it either, so imagine me as you wish, in a set of dresss blues and medals adorning my chest for being the brave and the best, pretend you put my picture with a brazen uniform and serious smile there on the wall,
holding that marmiluke sword with the ivory handle as i walk proudly forward, then you would burst with pride and then i may get a were proud of you son, love mom and dad. but you will just have to pretend for I am not what you think of me, instead of this sword in my hand i clutch a pen, and a note book, which i scribble down my sonnets, none of which you have ever read, for i doubt you would be interested my dear mother, and well boys dont write poetry according to my pop,
I am not the son you wanted and I am sorry for that but I cant help what is in my heart to strive a different path maybe one day you will accept me and maybe i could get a were proud of you whispered in my ear, instead of in front of an audience

Untitled

Mother Earths muddy toed love child,
Cavort through the lush fields of spring
Dance in the juniper of the sun soft rays
Swim in the streams saccharine joy,
And when you bed your head down to rest,
And when we lay apart just recall that,
The sky is our blanket and the moon is our pillow,
And the soft cool earth is our bedding,
So in all truth we lay together, for as long as the heavens stand tall and the stars do not fall, we have this bed to rest

....

Its rather curios indeed how we both should really actually be dead, lord knows we tried one passively one a bit more actively but in the end we are still breathing and alive, warmed in each others arms...im very glad I didnt die, and hopedully you are to??

Glue...

contact cement, rubber cement, take it all in, deep long breath up the nostrils into your lungs, now wait, leave it there let it settle around in your lungs, in a fraction of seconds your air and blood flow is being resticted, your vision blurs, your nose burns, your head is growing lighter and lighter like a balloon nearing the point in which it burst, now sit back and feel the relief which flows from your fingers and toes, its brief but its there now when problems arise just repeat and soon youll be fine...

Blurred vision, burning sensations from the paint that I inhale into my lungs.
You come to in my daze blurred but ever present, speaking soft words into my ears making me feel, as though i am cared for, that someone would show up to my funeral if I ever catch a knife in the back, you are radiant you are beautiful and I am hiding in a veil of various chemicals just to deal with what goes on at my home, but what makes it better is that you know just what i am talking about and can relate to this.

There is...

There is no chemical escape from my mother

So this is a list of the things I like the most about this girl...

1) how your feet are always dirty
2) your messy hair
3) the chipped finger nail paint
4) the freckles on your face
5) the freckles everywhere else
6) how your my hands are pretty much bigger than your feet
7) how you fit so well on my shoulder
8) the smell of your hair, it has a tint of shampoo and something else that i cant place but love (It's your hairspray)
9) your rings and bracelets that tend to take up your arm
10) the way you smoke a cigarette to the bitter end, and how you take nice even drags
11) Your bandannas and bonnets and what not you put on your head
12) The softness of your skin

to be continued....