I be tired my body and my soul long to rest in eloquent slumber.....but alas that is not my fate the pursuit of knowledge keeps me from a deep slumber..last night was a restless one dreams plagued my sleep the all involved some kind of vile trickster woman who would led me to my doom sometimes i gave in other times i did not...and there was a sinking boat which i was on it was odd maybe a shouldnt smoke before bed from here on out who knows however....i long for a tall glass of brandy a pack of lucky strikes and the company of my dearest friends whom all seem scattered to the winds....and then there is always the one women who got away i blow it off but in actuality i think i care about my mess up with this one it tis a shame we had alot in common but smoking is an unforgivable crime now a days oh well what can one do about the past nothing nothing at all...the weather is cool today i enjoyed it i was able to wear my trench early this morning when i went to churchings with my mother which was okay i reckon mornings and i have a love hate relationship haha there so splendidly beautiful but the pain of being awake is surely a downer..i spent all of today doing homework which in fact i should be doing now...but i dont have a strong inclination to do it so alas i shant until later this eve....i miss my dear friends whom have all departed to college i can only truly say a have one close friend at my place of education she is an amazing person splendidly inteligent and carries good conversation but the silence is also nice i havent felt the silence of satisfaction in sometime but it was present last night..the fact that its not being entertained with someone its being content with them we waste so much time entertaining ourselves that we lose sight of just expierencing things oh brave new world of youth what shall become of us i wonder where is society heading...the gods they look down in silence...i long for a god i think i truly do but the thought of god also makes me so bitter im not to sure why maybe im still upset about my grandfathers passing away that the concept of god frustrates me....i know where i stand atleast i am pretty sure i havent ruled out complete miraculous conversion yet haha....but i cant stand religion the division the strife that it causes its almost evil and that my friends is why i cant believe i want to but i cant....i had an ex whom thought smoking was for insecure people which it maybe true but i see religion as being for insecure people it the big security blanket of what happens when i stop breathing people cant fathom it people fear it immensly if heaven is so great why arent christians running out to be matyred i cant see it except for the muslims ie suicide bombers thats truly living the faith i reckon oh well rants rants and more rants i am probably making a mockery of myself but i doubt anyone will read this so i feel comfortable in my sophmoronic statutes. a friend of mine says love is one the most amazing things ever but id like to beg to differ love is not a wonderful thing atleast the whole courting thing...love just leaves one heart empty and void...but there is different kind of loves for example i would gladly die for a close friend of mine why because i love him and he is my friend....but the whole relationship thing makes me angry makes me want to consume whiskey and rum makes me want to forget....................
"Her breath pure as whiskey my heart fell in love"
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